The Ins and Outs of Having a Child in the Delivery Room: Answering some reader questions

For those who have shown interest in further details regarding having my first son in the delivery room for my second, I'd like to share a bit more.

To begin, I knew this was something I wanted before even having children. It is how I was raised and what I felt was appropriate for my kids as well. Birth was never something taboo in my family and I understood utero development and birth from a young age. As soon as we found out I was pregnant with my second son I began teaching my first son (2 years) about the baby growing in my stomach. I used a fabulous book "A Child is Born" to show him his brother's fetal development because it has some of the most amazing in-utero photos. I explained to him that I would have to push his brother out and while I didn't go into extreme detail, he was more than willing to accept this. He had a real understanding of the fact that his brother was in my stomach and he talked to him often in my stomach and rubbed my stomach where he felt his head or feet bumping around. He often told people how I was going to push out his little brother and then he'd meet him. I was glad because it was very clear that he had as much prep as possible for someone his age.

I had a troubled pregnancy with both my boys, but one of the good things that came out of it was that my first son was able to go to my frequent ultrasounds and see his brother. I think this, in addition to us sharing with him constantly, really prepped him and made it real. I told my son the basics of what would happen when I went into labor--how I'd be in some pain but be ok, that I would push his brother out and then we'd meet our new little guy. Despite a bad pregnancy and emergency situation during the birth of my first, I knew I handled labor well. I'm not a screamer and even with normal pain I tend to be silent, so I knew I wouldn't upset my son in that way if he was in the room. However, because of the situation we had with my first we had a backup plan to have my mother in-law take my son out of the delivery room if things began to deteriorate at any point. This was our "escape plan" so to speak just in case. I suggest every mother who wants to have their kid or kids in the delivery room has this. Whether or not you've had good labors, you just don't know and there are certain things you probably don't want your children to witness that would upset them.

Delivery night came, we went in and I labored through the night. I had packed not only a bag for myself, but a bag for my son full of pjs, a change of clothes, activities, treats (m&m minis for example, something he doesn't usually get but which were such a treat), crayons, slippers,etc. When packing stuff like this for your child just make sure that whatever you pack and plan to bring back home can be washed in the washing machine. If your son or daughter has a favorite stuffed animal (my son has 2 bears) make sure you can wash them right after. As you know hospitals are breeding grounds for all sorts of nasty things and you don't want to bring that back into your home.

I was hooked up to IVs (as shown in the book) for antibiotics (I have a heart condition). The morning after I went into labor very fast and basically went from 6 cm to 10cm in 10 minutes! Very fast. My son saw everything during labor. Things went so quickly my OB barely skidded into the room to catch my son because my unwilling (and truthfully awful) nurse did not want to actually deliver my son and be liable if what happened with my first happened with my second. I didn't scream or cry during labor, but my son definitely knew I was in pain. When they finally let me push my second son was almost crowning and my first son saw this. He wasn't phased and seemed  a bit anxious about me but definitely interested. He asked while I was pushing if he could hold my hand (also in my story) and I told him it was fine. He held my hand the hole time and I pushed a few times and my second son was born. My first son saw him as he was delivered, saw him when they laid him on my chest right after and watched as they cleaned him up and took his vitals before wrapping him and giving him back to me. He was never upset by it and he was so glad to be a part of it.

Do I think this situation is the right choice for everyone? No. Not everyone would feel comfortable having their child/children in the delivery room and obviously if you're not comfortable they won't be. Do I think it's possible to prepare your child for it so that you can avoid the possible shock of having them watch? Definitely. I think the preparation is absolutely KEY!  Having been a child exposed to birth this way and having raised my first son this way I can honestly say if done right, you can most likely be successful. I remember my mom had complications with one of my siblings (I am the eldest of 8) and we were immediately taken out of the room and left with the backup person. I was scared, but given the complications it was good that we weren't there to watch. If you are willing to do the prep work with your child and you really want your child to experience the birth of their sibling, I really suggest doing it! It is the most beautiful experience and it's one you and they will never forget.

If you want your child in the room but don't necessarily want them to "see it all", work around that. Have a plan. Keep their backs to everything, keep them at the head of your bed, etc. Your birth plan should be everything YOU want it to be for you and your family. Obviously, I'm not incredibly shy in regards to labor as I had my son, husband, mother and mother-in-law int he delivery room. This was very important to both sides of the family as my mother is obviously my mom and my mother-in-law is a doolah so both are experienced in birth and view it a certain way.

Feel yourself out for what you really want and make it work. Not all OB's will allow you to have more than a spouse or parent in the delivery room. Mine had a 2-person rule, but I expressed from our initial meeting when I was pregnant with my first my desires for who I wanted in the room and she agreed to allow it if things went smoothly. Given the way I handle labor and the way those who attended handled themselves, I was able to get away with it. If your OB doesn't agree and it's something you really, really want consider finding someone who will allow it. You don't want to have regrets if it's something you feel strongly about. If you have any questions regarding my book or having a child in the delivery room feel free to email me directly at contact@doriamurphy.com.