The Ins and Outs of Having a Child in the Delivery Room: Answering some reader questions

For those who have shown interest in further details regarding having my first son in the delivery room for my second, I'd like to share a bit more.

To begin, I knew this was something I wanted before even having children. It is how I was raised and what I felt was appropriate for my kids as well. Birth was never something taboo in my family and I understood utero development and birth from a young age. As soon as we found out I was pregnant with my second son I began teaching my first son (2 years) about the baby growing in my stomach. I used a fabulous book "A Child is Born" to show him his brother's fetal development because it has some of the most amazing in-utero photos. I explained to him that I would have to push his brother out and while I didn't go into extreme detail, he was more than willing to accept this. He had a real understanding of the fact that his brother was in my stomach and he talked to him often in my stomach and rubbed my stomach where he felt his head or feet bumping around. He often told people how I was going to push out his little brother and then he'd meet him. I was glad because it was very clear that he had as much prep as possible for someone his age.

I had a troubled pregnancy with both my boys, but one of the good things that came out of it was that my first son was able to go to my frequent ultrasounds and see his brother. I think this, in addition to us sharing with him constantly, really prepped him and made it real. I told my son the basics of what would happen when I went into labor--how I'd be in some pain but be ok, that I would push his brother out and then we'd meet our new little guy. Despite a bad pregnancy and emergency situation during the birth of my first, I knew I handled labor well. I'm not a screamer and even with normal pain I tend to be silent, so I knew I wouldn't upset my son in that way if he was in the room. However, because of the situation we had with my first we had a backup plan to have my mother in-law take my son out of the delivery room if things began to deteriorate at any point. This was our "escape plan" so to speak just in case. I suggest every mother who wants to have their kid or kids in the delivery room has this. Whether or not you've had good labors, you just don't know and there are certain things you probably don't want your children to witness that would upset them.

Delivery night came, we went in and I labored through the night. I had packed not only a bag for myself, but a bag for my son full of pjs, a change of clothes, activities, treats (m&m minis for example, something he doesn't usually get but which were such a treat), crayons, slippers,etc. When packing stuff like this for your child just make sure that whatever you pack and plan to bring back home can be washed in the washing machine. If your son or daughter has a favorite stuffed animal (my son has 2 bears) make sure you can wash them right after. As you know hospitals are breeding grounds for all sorts of nasty things and you don't want to bring that back into your home.

I was hooked up to IVs (as shown in the book) for antibiotics (I have a heart condition). The morning after I went into labor very fast and basically went from 6 cm to 10cm in 10 minutes! Very fast. My son saw everything during labor. Things went so quickly my OB barely skidded into the room to catch my son because my unwilling (and truthfully awful) nurse did not want to actually deliver my son and be liable if what happened with my first happened with my second. I didn't scream or cry during labor, but my son definitely knew I was in pain. When they finally let me push my second son was almost crowning and my first son saw this. He wasn't phased and seemed  a bit anxious about me but definitely interested. He asked while I was pushing if he could hold my hand (also in my story) and I told him it was fine. He held my hand the hole time and I pushed a few times and my second son was born. My first son saw him as he was delivered, saw him when they laid him on my chest right after and watched as they cleaned him up and took his vitals before wrapping him and giving him back to me. He was never upset by it and he was so glad to be a part of it.

Do I think this situation is the right choice for everyone? No. Not everyone would feel comfortable having their child/children in the delivery room and obviously if you're not comfortable they won't be. Do I think it's possible to prepare your child for it so that you can avoid the possible shock of having them watch? Definitely. I think the preparation is absolutely KEY!  Having been a child exposed to birth this way and having raised my first son this way I can honestly say if done right, you can most likely be successful. I remember my mom had complications with one of my siblings (I am the eldest of 8) and we were immediately taken out of the room and left with the backup person. I was scared, but given the complications it was good that we weren't there to watch. If you are willing to do the prep work with your child and you really want your child to experience the birth of their sibling, I really suggest doing it! It is the most beautiful experience and it's one you and they will never forget.

If you want your child in the room but don't necessarily want them to "see it all", work around that. Have a plan. Keep their backs to everything, keep them at the head of your bed, etc. Your birth plan should be everything YOU want it to be for you and your family. Obviously, I'm not incredibly shy in regards to labor as I had my son, husband, mother and mother-in-law int he delivery room. This was very important to both sides of the family as my mother is obviously my mom and my mother-in-law is a doolah so both are experienced in birth and view it a certain way.

Feel yourself out for what you really want and make it work. Not all OB's will allow you to have more than a spouse or parent in the delivery room. Mine had a 2-person rule, but I expressed from our initial meeting when I was pregnant with my first my desires for who I wanted in the room and she agreed to allow it if things went smoothly. Given the way I handle labor and the way those who attended handled themselves, I was able to get away with it. If your OB doesn't agree and it's something you really, really want consider finding someone who will allow it. You don't want to have regrets if it's something you feel strongly about. If you have any questions regarding my book or having a child in the delivery room feel free to email me directly at contact@doriamurphy.com.

Mishief of the Murphy Brothers now on sale at amazon.com!

Mischief of the Murphy Brothers is now officially on sale at Amazon.com! Click Here.

Purchase your copy today and share the journey as one boy prepares for the birth of his brother, seeing him for the first time in the delivery room!

I look forward to hearing your feedback.

Mischief of the Murphy Brothers: Seamus' Brother Liam is Born is now AVAILABLE!

Hello all!

Mischief of the Murphy Brothers: Seamus' Brother Liam is Born has been published and is now officially available for purchase! It will be on Amazon.com shortly, however, if you just can't wait and need to get your copy now you can purchase it HERE!

I look forward to sharing it with you and I'd love to hear your feedback :)

New Publishing Date!

Update: The Mischief of the Murphy Brothers has been rescheduled for a release date of November 3rd!  Just in time for the holidays!


Stay tuned and consider purchasing this book as a gift this holiday season!

Eco-friendly children's play sets and furniture!

My husband has been working with his hands . . . forever!  So it's no wonder he found he really enjoyed carpentry when he worked at a custom barn buildling company years ago.  Since then, we have been dreaming up different projects and one in particular made a great deal of sense and came to fruition!  Little Murphys, named after the little mischief makers in our life, was created and recently launched online.

After a great deal of research, planning and splinters, Little Murphys first design became a reality - Kiddie Kitchens!  Our kitchens are completely eco-friendly, safe and built to be both functional and durable.  One of the major gripes I personally had and heard from other moms over and over again, was the design.  They were either too short, too tippy, not really eco-friendly, to smally or awkwardly built.  When my husband and I created the design for our Kiddie Kitchen, we took all of these factors into account and built the play kitchen around our children in every possible way.  As parents, we understood the concerns and desires most other parents perseverate on when it comes to play kitchens for their kids.  From the old growth pine used to build them to the VOC-free, chemical-free milk paint used to paint the details, our Kiddie Kitchens will delight both you and your little ones.

We are so pleased with our Kiddie Kitchens and they have in turn been met with some really great praise!  Our other pretend play furniture pieces will be featured on our site by the end of June.  We are really looking forward to sharing our kids play sets and children's furniture with you and your little ones.

For more information on Little Murphys or to purchase a Kiddie Kitchen, view our web site here: http://www.littlemurphys.com/

New Release Date!

Update: I just received confirmation that "The Mischief of the Murphy Brothers: Seamus' Brother Liam is Born" will be released earlier than originally scheduled. The new release date is June 2010!

It's fast approaching so stay tuned:)

For moms who like to shop online!

If you're a mom who likes to shop online and save yourself the headache of dragging your little ones from store to store, Ebates is a site you need to know about!  It was founded by two Deputy District Attorneys that used to prosecute online fraud and identity theft.  Now, they've started a site that referrs online shoppers to web sites and rather that keeping the commission they receive for the referral, you actually get to earn some of it for yourself!  3% in fact!  You can either receive a check or funds to your Paypal quarterly.  A lot of moms I know really like this program so I decided to try it as well and I have to say it's great!

The best part is just about every site imaginable is on the list of sites you can earn back through!

Give it a try: Click here for Ebates

Another Great Place to Get Baby and Kids Stuff On Sale! Gillt Groupe and Hautelook

So on top of the sites I shared before there are two others worth noting.  Although they both carry things for men, women, adults, housewares and even pets, they also both carry a TON of baby and kid stuff!

The first is Gilt Groupe.  They have a separate section specifically for children's merchandise.  It is invitation only, but I've supplied an invite right here:  http://www.gilt.com/invite/murphyresumes

Hautelook is definitely one of my favorites in general.  They have amazing brands and some serious blowout sales.  They also carry a lot of different children's brands.  This one is also invite only, but here's an invite from me to you: http://www.hautelook.com/invite/740939

These sites carry everything from toys to strollers at different times!  You just never know what'll pop up!  Actually, they both have calendars that show you, but you know what I mean:)

My favorite thing about both companies (which I have made MANY purchases from) is that the customer service so far has been great and I've scored some amazing deals!  I also love being able to poke around for myself while getting deals for the rest of my family!  What can I say?  I love a good sale!

If you have any issues with those invites let me know and I can send one privately.  Happy shopping!

Amazing "deal of the day" websites for baby and kid products! Great sales and bargains!

I have always loved shipping and am particularly fond of online sample sales, so when I was recently introduced to online sample sales for baby/kid products I nearly fell over in my chair!  They are amazing!

For those of you who don't know, a DOD (or deal of the day) site usually features one deal a day (though some feature one set of deals a day) at super low prices.  These deals usually run anywhere one to several days or until they run out.  Flash sales, sales that are up for a smaller period of time (usually minutes) are exciting, but quantities, choices and sizes are usually super limited.  The best part is, products are typically brand name and new!  Most of these sites have great reviews and excellent customer service.  Some of them ship very quickly and some of them can take up to a week or two as they have to receive the product from the manufacturer.  These are great for mommy's-to-be and current moms . . .  or even grandmothers!  You can find plenty for your baby/children or stock up on gifts!

Here are a few of my favorites:

www.greenbabybargains.com

www.mamabargains.com

www.babysteals.com


www.kidsteals.com

www.kids.woot.com

www.schnoop.com

bTrendie (requires invite code: murphyresumes@gmail.com)

Those are just some of the great sale sites out there.  I have bought from all of the ones on this list and had a great experience so far.  I strongly suggest giving these a peek!  Be warned, they can be VERY addicting!

The cover for my upcoming book - so exciting!

Take a peak at the beautiful cover of my upcoming book! The illustrations are by my former classmate and friend Anna Greene-Smith, a wonderful artist that does truly beautiful pieces.

Let me know what you think!

Thanks Rochelle, for finding the perfect color to compliment Anna's beautiful illustration!  It's beautiful!

Writing for my husband's company . . .

For those of you who don't know, my husband owns an interior & exterior painting company. It's funny, I've written all of his web, marketing and sales content (which is actually what I do for a living) and it's kind of like the cobbler's kids who have no shoes, I sometimes forget to update it!

Now that Spring is around the corner he's beginning to dust off his ads and get those cranking again. It's been a tough last 2 years for painters because the huge rise in oil prices actually shot the cost of paint up about 30%! A lot of paints are petroleum based and they require a lot of money for transport, so it's not been good for the entire industry. Anyway, he's really hoping to keep his company going strong despite all this. I must say, his company really does a great job and he only hires people he knows. When you have someone working on the inside or outside of your home it's important that you're comfortable around them!

I only hope that he can drum up enough residential interior and exterior painting for it to be a good season. I'm hoping to help by providing excellent copy and staying on top of things by updating everything as needed.

If you or someone else you know is looking for a high-end interior/exterior residential painting company check them out or spread the word: http://www.northcoastpainting.com/

Shameless plug, but they really are some of the best around and I'm proud of them! They paint for clients from Worcester to Boston/North Shore as well as Southern NH.

Inspiration . . .

Sometimes a story finds you and sometimes you have to search for it. I don't necessarily think that a story is better or worse because of the way it comes to be. However, I've noticed that there comes a point as I write where I truly feel inspired and then I can't help but think - am I the only one who's going to be excited about what I'm writing?

On a greater scale, is that how Euclid felt each time he developed a new proof or how Pythagoras felt when he came up with the Pythagorean theorem? I'm not suggesting in any way that I'll ever contribute something so timeless and substantial to any society or community, but even having one reader feel and relate to what I've pulled from my own mind would be gratifying.

Is true inspiration similar to kinetic energy?

I suppose anytime inspiration strikes you, there's always uncertainly as to whether or not sharing it will in turn inspire others or if they'll simply think you're nuts!

Will our children's generations enjoy reading as much as we do?

As a writer and avid reader, I can't help but be concerned that the growing electronic media available for entertainment worries me when it comes to my kids. Obviously I don't want them inundated with video games and movies, but it's more than that. Simply put, I want my children to take quiet moments in their lives to sit down and read for pleasure. My kids are currently very young - almost 2 and almost 4 - but as I watch the way in which they are being exposed to technology as opposed to what I grew up with . . . it's astonishing! My father was one of the first waves of men who went to school and jumped right into software programming (back before computer science degrees were available). He was actually part of the group that wrote some of the code that enables users to hop on the web, so I grew up with computers - black DOS screens with awful, glowing green font and all. But even having been exposed much sooner than most of my friends, who didn't have personal home computers until they were older, I still didn't grow up with mp3 players or dvds as a child - those came in high school and college.

Children these days have programmed cell phones (specifically for kids so that they can only contact parents and 911, something my husband and I are honestly consider for our eldest who goes to school in the fall) as soon as they go to school, mp3 players, laptops, etc. I guess coming back to my purpose in starting this discussion, with all of these amazing media options, do you honestly feel that our children's generations will really enjoy reading for pleasure?

I'm pretty adamant about wanting my sons to enjoy reading and their private preschool and the school that follows certainly encourage this as well, but will society? I've seen older children's public school programs cut out things like phonics, spelling, etc. Are we just paving the way for a lessened love and understanding of literature down the road?

Nursing tops worth a second glance!

I was poking around online and I just came across this site www.milkstars.com which offers fabulous nursing tops! The shirts have relatively simple, but flattering cuts, however, I believe the real appeal is the absolute versatility and ease with which you can supposedly nurse in what looks like a tailored top-AMAZING! I haven't tried one myself since a) I just found the site and b) I've already weened my second (and last), but if you look at the demonstrative photos on how they work it's actually really clever!

They offer basic cuts - short sleeve scoop necks, short sleep v-necks, long sleeve versions of both and one fluttery-sleeved top that for dressier occasions - but let's be serious, compared to other nursing tops these tailored essentials are GREAT. They look as though they come in a wide variety of colors, which is nice, too. I just wish I had found this site a year ago! I think my favorite part is the fact that is covers a large portion of your breast and all of your back and stomach. The site also says you can use part of the shirt to cover your child while they nurse.

Check them out and tell me what you think. Am I nuts or do these looks like they could be a great solution to the nursing-while-you're-out issue?

Why did I choose to have my first son in the delivery room for the birth of my second?

I'll tell you why . . . right here in my blog post on Boston Parents Magazine's blog community!

Check it out here!

Free Book Club Membership with Wiggles Press!

Wiggles Press is now offering FREE children's e-books for you to review! They will be delivered to your email as PDF's, giving you the opportunity to experience new books with your children for FREE!

Sign up now!

Initial Character Sketches Drawn and Approved!

I am absolutely thrilled with the preliminary character sketches drawn up by Artist Anna Greene-Smith, who will be illustrating the first book in what I hope to be a series (The Mischief of the Murphy Brothers: Seamus's Brother Liam is Born - Coming this Fall). Her work is beautiful and I am pleased to say that her illustrations will visually bring this book to life, perfectly complimenting my story.

I will be sure to share more updates as things progress, and hopefully sometime soon I will be able to post an image of the cover art!

I hope you're all looking forward to my book as much as I am:)

Wiggles Book Club - Join Today!

Hey parents!

Wiggles Press, my publisher, has a GREAT book club for children of all ages. I
highly recommend it. It's super cost-effective and a wonderful way to
increase your kids' libraries:)

http://bookclub.wigglespress.com/

Follow me on Facebook!

You can now follow me on Facebook! I'd love to connect with you:)

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Doria-Murphy/291986265282#!/pages/Author-Doria-Murphy/291986265282

The Mischief of the Murphy Brothers: Seamus's Brother Liam is Born. Scheduled release TBD Spring/Fall 2010!

The Mischief of the Murphy Brothers: Seamus's Brother Liam is Born. Scheduled Release Fall 2010!

I am very pleased and excited to announce the future release of my first book with Wiggles Press - The Mischief of the Murphy Brothers: Seamus's Brother Liam is Born.  Scheduled Release Fall 2010!  

This book details the beautiful story of my second son's birth and the wonderful experience we had as a family together.  While pregnant with my second son I wanted what every second-time mother wants, a book for the first child  explaining the emotional side of the coming of a new sibling.  However, we had a very special situation.  My first son was going to be present at the birth of his brother.  We had thoroughly prepped him on what to expect during labor and as a family we felt that things like baby development and birth are very natural and wonderful experiences that should not be hidden from children.  However, I had a very difficult time finding a book that described this unique experience from a sibling's perspective.  It was then and there that the idea of writing a book of this nature came to mind, but was quickly filed away behind thoughts of hospital and baby preparation.  After my second son was born and things settled a bit, I made the time to write a story based on our experience that embodies the absolute beauty of this event for the whole family; especially for my eldest son who truly understood and enjoyed the experience in a unique way.  I believe that there is something so amazing about the dynamic of the relationship between siblings and I believe that my book captures some essence of this.  

I look forward to sharing it with you and can't wait to see how you receive it!